


Waiting for Sunrise

by Anonymous



Series: Hurts like Hell [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, Unhappy Ending, cannot stress enough this is unhappy and awful, im just working through some stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:40:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29492970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Diego couldn’t do this anymore. Someday, yeah, he’d be able to get out, but he couldn’t take another three years of this. It was too much. This wastoo much.
Series: Hurts like Hell [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2170482
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11
Collections: Anonymous





	Waiting for Sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE read the tags

Diego couldn’t do this anymore. Someday, yeah, he’d be able to get out, but he couldn’t take another three years of this. It was too much. This was _too much._

He’d tried, tried to hold on for his siblings. For Vanya, so they could start their band. For Klaus, who was falling deeper and deeper into his _own_ darkness. Ben, who would be so, so devastated, and blame himself. He knew, too, that Luther and Allison would be upset, if… he were gone. But they didn’t need him.

No one did. 

He wasn’t helping anyone, all he did was destroy. There was a black hole in his stomach, and it was consuming everything around him. 

He knew, he _knew_ that he was hurting them. The only people in the world who mattered and he was hurting them. In the long run, this would be better.

Fuck, he was scared. But the numbness outweighed it. Diego got out a piece of paper and a pen, and sat down on the floor. With shaky hands he tried to write, but what do you _say?_ His mind was a void and his fingers were clumsy. 

_I’m sorry_ was all that ended up on the page, small in the left corner. He’d gone over it several times, and the letters were dark and almost tore through the page. 

Sometimes Diego felt that fragile, like he could be torn apart so easily. He had so many walls but things could still get through. Could anyone else tell that he was hurting? Did they care? Were they aware of it and just _hoping_ that it would get to this point?  
Did it matter? Nothing could get past the heavy, dark fog that surrounded Diego like a shield. He was safe, except he wasn’t, it weighed on him like chains that could never be lifted. He’d never be free, not really. 

That was why he had no choice. 

There wasn’t anything else to _do._

When he walked down the hallway to the bathroom, it felt like he wasn’t in his body. The tips of his fingers felt nothing and his eyes couldn’t focus. 

No one was in sight. If someone came, would he tell them what was wrong? Would they be able to stop this? It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. No one was here, and the pain and anger that swirled inside of him wouldn’t go away. 

The water poured into the bathtub and he felt nothing. With hands made of lead he unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall. The hundreds of scars and cuts inflicted by his own hand were exposed and he felt nothing. 

Diego stepped into the bathtub. It felt weird getting his pants and socks wet. Light from the city around them filtered into the bathroom and danced on the water and the walls. 

Somehow, this was the most peaceful he had felt in years. Maybe when you had nothing left to hope for, the despair could finally leave. This was the most free he could be. 

He’d always loved his knives. They would do him one final favor, cut through the marks they’d made in days and years past. 

Diego had been wearing only long-sleeved shirts for so long. If there was no _him_ around to feel ashamed, it wouldn’t matter if they saw. 

He’d miss Mom. He hadn’t wanted to think about her, because that was what hurt the most. Leaving her felt like the worst betrayal of all, when she’d always been there for him. She’d be okay. He wasn’t worth anything. 

Tears dripped into the water below Diego’s face, but he didn’t notice. Blood bloomed in the water around him, and he felt dizzy, then cold, then nothing at all. 

He opened his eyes. 

What?

No, no, this was supposed to work. 

Then he looked around. 

_Oh, god._

There was - him. Lying in stained-red water with tears on his cheeks and light bouncing around him. 

But he was here, too, standing by the window. 

He didn’t cast a shadow. 

Blood and water dripped from his arms and his soaked pants, but disappeared when it hit the floor. 

He tried, frantically, to wipe it off, but it never ended, his hands now soaked with red too. Diego started to sob, curling up on the floor with his knees to his chest and his arms wrapped loosely around them. He wasn’t sure how long he was there but it must’ve been awhile because - the sun was coming up. 

Red light filled the bathroom and Diego felt sick.

There was a knock on the door. 

Fuck, shit, no _no no -_

How could he let this happen to his siblings? They didn’t need to see this, his painful _weakness_ , and it would hurt them.

“Open up! C’mon, hurry!” Allison’s annoyed voice called. 

After awhile with no response, she yelled, “I’m coming in! You better have some clothes on!” 

Well, he did, at least, have that.

She flung open the door, her mouth open - probably to yell at him, or whoever else she thought was in here - but instead she _screamed._

His mind was still foggy and it was too hard to figure out what she was trying to say, but probably it was something like _Diego, no, Diego, you’re gonna be okay-_

Allison fell to her knees beside the bathtub and she tried to pull him out, but he slipped from her grasp. 

Everyone else (except Ben, his bedroom was upstairs, he wouldn’t have heard) came in just moments after. 

“Allison, Allison, are you okay?” Luther yelled, but stopped in his tracks when he came through the door. She was sobbing, head rested on the side of the bathtub, covered in rust-red water. And there was Diego, his eyes closed and his face paler than it should ever be. 

He quickly pulled Diego out and checked his pulse, but of course there was nothing. Tears ran down his face as he started CPR.

Vanya peeked around the door, and when she saw - when she _saw,_ she ran back down the hall. Diego was pretty sure she was throwing up. 

Klaus came last, his eyes bleary and red, but he stopped when he saw Diego sitting on the floor, his face wet with tears, staring as his siblings tried to save him when it was already too late. 

He took in Diego’s red-stained pants, the blood fading as water just kept dripping. His arms, covered in a thousand tiny cuts and two long ones. 

And the fact that Luther and Allison weren’t looking at him, but at his still body, now on the floor. 

Klaus made eye contact, and he began to sob.

**Author's Note:**

> yeaah anyways lets forget this ever happened.  
> idk might write a second part? ive never seen a ben/diego swap (where diego dies instead of ben) so we will see  
> also in case anyones like 'hey fic author dude do u need some like help' no i dont i just had a spectacularly bad day/week and this will never be discussed or mentioned again thank you  
> haha 1111 words,,  
> side note diegos 15 in this, cause im 15


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